We are a part of a fast-paced world, own it. We feel like we are always in a hurry, that there is never enough time for anything, and that the moments we want to hold onto, are gone in a blink of an eye. Sometimes we want to capture a moments so badly on our camera, that we forget to live the moment in the present.
Sometimes in order to be in it, we need to put our Smartphones away. They don’t have to be turned off and put in the corner, but for a weekend, or even a day, treat it like a house phone. Only answer it when it rings, and don’t gravitate towards it at any other time.
I listened to the RISE Podcast episode on my regular Saturday morning walk and Rachel Hollis was talking about control and eating. She was saying that when you relate emotions with eating it becomes an endless loop. You go into the kitchen because you’re feeling an emotion, you eat, you feel happier, instant gratification, that’s another emotion, so you eat more. You ended up going in for a cookie and you ate out your whole house. Because eating was linked to emotion.
When I heard this, and I knew that I had a social media/technology post coming up and I automatically thought about how we use our phones. Our phones are very much used as a mechanism for our emotions. When we are feeling a certain way, we open our phone trying to feel better, sometimes we do, sometimes we don’t; regardless, it is another emotional reaction, which causes us to remain on our phone. Filling our brains with so much content, that when we do put our phones down to spend time with our families or friends, we feel lost, uneasy, and don’t really know who we are anymore. It’s another endless loop. We go to the phone because we are feeling sad, it makes us happy, we reward ourselves with more screen time, and then all of sudden we have spent five hours scrolling through the same content, over and over and we can’t put it down.
Think about it. It’s not wrong.
BUT…
You’re not alone. I have caught myself in the same loop. Having to post content for my business, I am creating Instagram photos, writing captions, stalking other people to come up with ideas; and then I have spent most of my workday on social media.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Social media is a great tool for businesses, communication, positive sharing, but it can also cause detriment to our brains, emotions and psyche, depending on who you follow, and what types of “comment wars” you engage in, if any. Eventually, you will be left feeling drained, and as if you are going to burnout, just from the baggage that it can cause. Ironically, we frequently turn to the thing that is causing our emotional distress, so soothe ourselves; it is like Stockholm syndrome, but with a phone.
Sometimes, we recognize that we have this issue, but when we try to enforce screentime rules for ourselves, we end breaking them and going back. Pressing snooze on the alarm we put and ignoring our own regulations that we try to put in place. It’s going to happen because you are so attached to the emotional release that the device, more specifically, the media, gives you.
Don’t lose hope yet!
There are a few things that you can do, in order to help you put the phone down.
1. Unfollow/Unfriend
This one can seem scary. A lot of us have a fear of deleting people off of our social media accounts. There is this underlying uncertainty of not wanting to make people angry, upset or hurt their feelings. If you are thinking this, it is because you are putting other people’s emotional well-being before yours, stop that. Sometimes the people that we follow, regardless if they were our friends or are our family, can have a negative impact on our wellbeing.
I admit. I have unfriended family members off of my Facebook account. I did not want to see what they were posting, they had been called out on posting things that were so negative they had a direct impact on other family members, and they didn’t take the opportunity to reflect and understand that their actions, can have consequences; especially if they don’t take the time to reflect before they post. So I unfriended them on Facebook, which became the line of many unfriends and unfollows. The first time was hard, and then after I realized that I felt better not seeing their content, I went on a free-for-all and took people away.
What does that have to do with walking away from social media? Everything!
Who we have on our social media accounts, directly links to what content we see. The content that we see, directly links to our emotions, and our emotions have a tendency to use screen time as an outlet. By taking away the negative content, you are taking away those heavy feelings that can be brought on. And, as much as we want to shift the balance, negative emotions still tend to last longer than happier ones, meaning that without negative content, there is no negative emotion, so you are less apt to continue scrolling through.
2. Find Another Emotional Outlet
Exercise.
Reading.
Photography.
Writing.
Crafts.
Meditation.
Yoga.
These are all other activities that you can do when you are feeling upset, happy, emotional or anytime you feel like you want to grab your phone, choose one of these instead.
For the first while, it will feel very intentional, there will be a thought process behind it. You may even unlock your phone before you realize what you are doing, but when you hear that click, shut it down and go for a walk, or yoga, or reading, something that gives you a release, a timeout, a moment of reflection.
3. Let Go of Instant Gratification
I mentioned above that we are living in a fast-paced society, a world that wants it and wants it now. Thus, when it comes to our emotions, we feel the same way. When we are sad, we want to feel happy instantly, but sometimes you have to let your emotions play through, in order to get to the other side.
The instant gratification that we feel, it’s temporary, it’s not long-lasting. The long-lasting happiness comes from within, comes from habits, and feeling your feelings. It’s okay to cry. Cry. Get it out. Understand what is making your feel this way, let it happen. You will feel happier at the end of the journey, than if you push it away with Instagram, TikTok, and other platforms that are only covering up what you don’t want to deal with. You have to deal with it if you want to make it out on the other side in one piece.
4. Intentionally Wait to Respond
12:05 “Hey, are we still good for Friday?”
12:10 “Hello?”
12 12″Why aren’t you answering me?”
True story. I used to jump at my phone whenever I would get a message, and I started noticing a huge problem with that. One, if I was in the middle of a conversation with somebody, that is extremely rude and two, the whole world didn’t need my attention all at the same time.
How did I slowly get out of it?
I started by reading the message, but if I didn’t have to respond, I wouldn’t respond right away. I would usually give it thirty-minutes unless it was urgent.
Eventually, I moved to hearing my phone, but waiting until I felt like picking it up to respond.
By not responding to messages instantly, you are … one creating boundaries with the people in your life who feel like you should be answering right away… they will pick up on it. And two, you begin to feel less inclined to pick up your phone.
5. Get to Know Yourself Again
This is huge. The majority of the population doesn’t actually know who they are as a person, just what everyone else said they were. Then… add social media and you are scrolling through pictures, captions, and sometimes impossible expectations, and you get lost in the world.
We have to remember that
- Sometimes the lives that we see online, aren’t the reality.
- Some of the people that you see online went through the same BS that you are going through in order to get where they need to be. Don’t compare someone else’s middle, with your beginning.
- Your happiness and value is set on more than just a like or a comment
- When you begin to love the person you see in the mirror, you begin to forget about the need to compare. When you forget about the need to compare, you forget to look through your phone.