Disagreements are a part of life. We come home, we disagree, we are at work, we disagree. We disagree all the time during the day, without us even realizing it. We have small and subtle disagreements so much that we don’t think and talk about them at all. When we get home from work and our partner asks us, “how was your day?”, “oh fine,” is usually our answer. We won’t tell them about the coworker that gave us the stink eye for taking the last stack of fresh printer paper, or the comment we made, that kind of regret, at lunch time. We don’t talk about these disagreements because they have become so ingrained in us that it is not a big deal. What we may not realize, and it took me a long time to come to this conclusion, is that these small disagreements that we don’t talk about do not help us with our every day stress and anxieties; however, they might increase them without us even noticing. This article is going to share the 5 disagreements that we can have, that we don’t talk about afterwards.
- How your coworker does their job
Whether we have had the same career for years or are just starting off, we are always going to have one coworker that we question. Questions that may pop into our heads are, “how did they get here?”, “what are they doing?”, “is that really the way we should be doing it?”. I have personally found that when we are new to a job we are more apt to ask these questions because we are a stickler to the procedure, it is the norm that after doing a job for many years you find loopholes; however, there are certain coworkers whose loopholes are more the size of the rings around Saturn. Most disagreements during the work day that surround this usually end up with someone making a comment about the way the other is working. These sly comments or remarks, may cause minor tension for a few minutes or not even a minute at all. Eventually we move on and forget about it, but we still had a disagreement.
- When your partner/roommate does the dishes wrong
This one is my favourite because I grew up not realizing that this disagreement existed. I probably didn’t know, because, my household wasn’t particular with the way dishes were done, I thought everyone was like that, but I was wrong, I was very very wrong.
Most households, whether it be a partnership or a temporary living situation, when there is more than one person in the house, one of those people is going to be particular about the way dishes are done. Usually the disagreement around this is quick, “this dish is slimy”, “you didn’t even dry it properly!”, “there are water spots on the fork”. Again, these comments are brief, but from the person on the other end, I thought the dishes were clean, I thought they were fine; at this point, you rebuttal for a minute, but then the disagreement is over and we don’t talk about it after that.
- When the fridge dies
This one may be the most random number of the five, but it happened to me recently and I realized I can’t be the only one in the world who’s fridge died, so I must not be the only one who has a disagreement story about it.
You get home and you find out the fridge hasn’t been cold for hours. You and your partner know that you have to empty out the fridge and freezer, try and transfer as much stuff that you can. This is where it begins, “why do we have so much stuff,” “stop looking through all the food and just put in the freezer,” this is freezer burnt,” “when did you buy this, was I with you”, “I need help picking up the cooler,” “stop getting ice all over the floor,” “no, don’t drag it”. To top it all off, this hasn’t even hit when it’s time to buy the new fridge, “what is your budget”, “that’s crazy we aren’t millionaires”, “the fridge is the most important appliance”, “well where do we go shopping”, “okay get in the car”, “this has ruined my weekend”. After all the drama dies down, you flop on the couch, take a nap and never speak about any of the arguing that went on, but just talk about your nice, new, beautiful fridge.
- The volume level
This is a common disagreement amongst anybody who has to listen to anything where the volume can be changed. Now, if any of you are like me, you have specific times in which the volume can be high and where it needs to be low. If you are like my partner, the volume needs to be so low you can’t chew without it going away. Disagreements that go around this usually aren’t verbal at all. Whether you are driving, watching TV, listening to music with friends, disagreements around volume are very nonverbal, but still annoying nonetheless. One of you turns the volume up, the other turns the volume down, volume up, volume down, and this continues for hours, and nobody will say anything! Each party is probably equally annoyed with the other, but the disagreement, ironically, remains silent.
- Driving Conditions/Habits
Personally I find these disagreements the worst, they don’t have a comical twist that can really be spun, other than maybe never wanting to get in a car with your friend or coworker. This is usually lunch room talk. Someone brings up the conditions of the road that morning (very Canadian), and this is where it starts, “it wasn’t that bad, I was going the speed limit the whole way,” “really? I wasn’t going to risk it, it was some nasty.” At this point, each person is defending their driving stance, but in the back of their minds they are thinking, “am I too reckless of a driver,” “am I too safe of a driver”, “should I slow down”, “should I speed up”. The same goes with driving habits. Each person drives differently and drives to their comfort zone, but comfort zones are not the same, which we can say, but we still feel the need to defend ourselves in these situations.
Like I mentioned above, these disagreements are regular disagreements that happen during the day, during the week and we don’t think anything of them. We won’t go home and tell our partner about it, we don’t think it affected our day at all, we forget; however, these small disagreements have a greater impact on our stress and anxiety than we think. When I was hitting a low at work the small everyday disagreements that were happening just made it all that much worse, in reality it was not anything to get upset about it, but when we are put in stressful situations, the smallest event in our day can bring us down.
Now I am not saying that we should not let these disagreements happen, they are going to happen, we can’t stop that. I am saying that we need to be more aware of them and how they make us feel in the moment and especially how they impact us when the health of our mind is not at its fullest capacity to handle the situations accordingly. I don’t have a solution, but just being more aware has changed the way that I approach my job lately and how I approach my everyday activities at home, so maybe it will do the same for you.