Recently (about two weeks ago), a couple in the blogging community announced that they were ending their marriage. A combined 23 000 comments later, their social community was in an uproar. Some were talking about how they saw this happening; some devastated and hoping they would fix it; and some angry because they had taken relationship advice and decided that ultimately this meant their relationship would also go up in flames… But Rachel Hollis and Dave Hollis’s marriage did not burst with a crumble, and according to their post, they remain co-parents, business partners and friends. Thus, the comments portrayed an emotional reaction, rather than a logical one. A reaction that looked inward, rather than in the best interest of the two people this post was actually about. A lot of these comments were about the commenters themselves, and what this meant for them, not Rachel and Dave. This got me thinking…
Why do we get so upset when a relationship we have looked up to, doesn’t work out?
It’s because we compare.
We spend our whole lives comparing ourselves to others; which, at first, is not our fault.. but we have to start taking an honest look at why we react the way we do when these things happen in our social and digital environments.
We were brought up in a world that forces us to compare to either feel superior, feel miserable or feel comfortable. We start off comparing who has the nicest clothes, then the most technology, the most money, the more symmetrical features, bodies…and relationships. We spend so much of our time focused on what we think about others, in retrospect of what we think about ourselves; that we don’t take the time to really get to know who we even are.
We don’t know everything about the celebrities that we idolize. We don’t know everything about our next-door neighbour who’s lawn seems to always be greener than ours, and we don’t know the struggles that other relationships go through. But yet… we still compare.
It is this comparing that causes us to say hurtful things.
It is this comparing that engages negative self-talk.
It is this comparing that takes away value in a relationship.
It is this comparing that removes the joy that we could be feeling each and every day.
It is this comparing that needs to stop.
Find out who you are in your life. Find out what makes you unique. Love your body. Love your mind. When we stop looking at other’s for gratification, we begin to see a whole other person in the mirror… that is the person that will bring you places.
loved this. Thanks for sharing
Comparing myself to others is one toxic trait I have to check often. Although it’s difficult to overcome, one of the best things to happen since I actively began trying to change this mental talk, has been a boost in my self confidence and overflowing creativity. Reminding myself that I am not on a timeline and I should feel inspired by others rather than competitive against them.
This is an amazing post, hopefully one day every person can know a life free of self doubt and comparisons to other’s.
Great post! I think since the advent of social media, comparing ourselves to others, in every way, has become a real problem in society.
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