It’s funny, when I look at the math, eighteen wasn’t that long ago, just a handful of years. However, when I look at experiences, about all the lessons that I have learned on the way, and how everything that has happened in my life followed the path that it was supposed to, I would have never imagined that it lead me here. There is an abundance that I wish I could tell my 18-year-old self, but then at the same time I wouldn’t want to, because I wouldn’t want to change the decisions that I have made. Some of those decisions were made with poor judgement, with anger, with emotional baggage that I wouldn’t want to wish on my worst enemy, but those decisions were still part of what made me who I am, they are what tells me that I am doing what I am supposed to. What are 10 things that I would tell my 18-year-old self? Let’s find out.
Breathe.
When you wake up in the morning, take a big, deep breath in, then exhale. When you are feeling overwhelmed, rushed, and in dismay over how you are supposed to be successful at your age when you feel like you don’t have a single talent to offer, inhale and then exhale. With each deep breath do not look at what you have left to do but look at what you have done. You may be young, but you are courageous, and goddammit you are the most stubborn person I have ever met.
Take your Time.
You are a rusher. You like to rush through things and, yes, they may be done properly or well, but you did not take the time to look it over, make sure it was really what you wanted. You are so concerned about being the best student, that you are forgetting to be the best you. So, each word that you type for the millionth essay, it’s not just another essay, it’s your name to those words, so take your time. Instead of rushing through the grocery store, or grabbing a quick cup of coffee, sit down, watch, read, obverse, because you will see things and understand things at a completely different level.
Be Present.
Right now, you feel like you are ready to take on the world, and I love you for that. That inner strength, that ability to know that the world is in your hand, everyone needs to feel that in their life. You feel so empowered, that you might forget to be present in the moments that are slipping by. Each conversation that you have, each family member that you see, each moment that you experience and each laugh that you laugh, love it with all that passion that is burning up inside of you. Reflect on it, understand it, and be present in that moment, in that feeling, don’t become distracted, because you never know when the next time you will feel that same feeling, with that same person, will be, or if it will happen again.
Appreciate.
Behind the scenes there are a handful of people doing amazing things for you, that you don’t see, because you are too busy trying to figure out who you are, and that’s okay. At your age that is what you should be doing, figuring out who you are as an adult, as a woman, but do take a minute to look at how you became this woman. It is not all on your own. You have friends and family, that push you, challenge you and support you, look at that picture in the frame, and appreciate every pixel, every colour, every saturation and vibrance.
Write More.
You write a lot for school. You put in words and words and words on paper, but there is no passion behind them, they are simply words that give you a grade or a mark, that someone judges and based on that judgement tells if you pass or fail. That is the system that we live in; however, that should not stop you from writing more about what you love, engage in a conversation with words on a paper again. You will find a way to relax, to let go and to embrace who you are.
Read More.
Those books that you have piled on your desk, those “I’ll get to them when I have time.” Pick one up and read it. Take the time to engage your brain in something that doesn’t have to do with history and class work. You are pushing yourself to become this person, that later you might realize you don’t want to be. Read more about all the wonderful things that you can do in this world, because you weren’t just meant to settle, and books will show you that.
Pay Attention.
Look around you. There are people around you every day and each person has a story behind the eyes or the smile that are facing you. Engage in that story. Pay attention to what they say, when they say it and how they mean it. This will help you understand the world much better, much clearer. It will give you a perspective on life that you didn’t know that you could have at such a young age. It will allow you to accept people for who they are, and not for what society tells them that they should be, it releases judgement, and allows you to embrace differences, love, and passion.
Feel Strength.
You are strong, not only physically. but emotionally as well. You are going through a dilemma of sorts at this point in your life and you don’t know how exactly to approach it, you will eventually get to it, but it will take time and strength. Start building that strength, appreciating it and feeling it, because you are an independent, stubborn young woman, who is ready to take on the world on her own, but you don’t know how. Grasp the strength that you feel and don’t let it go.
Embrace your Body.
You just experienced the hardest thing to overcome in this world, and you don’t understand how big of a deal that is. Just a year before this you were eating very little and working out too much. You were thin, and you didn’t appreciate what your body did for you every day. That experience was important to you, it is a component of your personality, to overcome an eating disorder, all on your own, that’s huge, it is why you are so strong today. But sometimes you still look in the mirror and see the things you don’t like about yourself. That feeling only weakens you, it takes all the work that you have done, each time you see a flaw, and it chips away at your confidence and your shining personality. Embrace your body. This vessel that carries you from place to place, and that holds all your hopes, dreams, passions and allows for them to shine through in your work. This beautiful body that you see in the mirror, that you watch type away on the keys, or run kilometers worth of mileage, love it, because it will continue to work for you and get you through some hardships that you never thought would happen.
Be Clear.
You may be clear on paper, words and stories may come out smoothly. However, you are terrible with words when speaking. You will beat around the bush, you will not tell someone exactly how you feel and because of that you will bottle up so many emotions inside, that you carry with you for years. Be clear when you speak. Do not worry as much about how someone may feel after you tell them the truth, they will process that on their own; however, you need to clearly state your own feelings, get in the habit of it, because only then will you realize who truly belongs in your life, and who is simply there because you are a nice person, a person who doesn’t have as much of a backbone as I know you do.